Wuthering Hyders

Still Here...


Wow. Has it really been almost a month since my last post? My how time flies when you're feeling down. Yeah, I'm still kind of stuck in the dark place. It's as if I'd found something I'd been searching for my whole life. I got to enjoying it for a short time and then it was gone. Now that I know what I was missing, I will never be complete without it. And yet, it is out of my reach. It looks like I'm going to have to learn to live without it, at this point. I've been shut out in spite of my fervor. My tears are wasted.

Too deep, isn't it? *sigh*

I wish I had something exciting to write about. I mean, it's not like I'm a boring person or anything. I'm intelligent and I have interesting interests. I'm pretty well-read. I love music. I'm fairly decent at art. I like movies. I play video games. Maybe I shouldn't admit that last one...

What I'm saying is, why can't I do something interesting once in awhile? Not interesting enough to become fodder for the tabloids, but interesting enough to write about. Is it because I don't know how to make it happen? Is it because I live in Iowa? Believe me, I've had my suspicions about this place, but it's grown on me. Yes, there's not that much to do here and the scenery is repetitive, but there are good people here. Besides, I actually love the smell of freshly turned earth and just-baled alfalfa. And the stars you can see from the country are simply breathtaking.

I'm still missing that something, but I'm not giving up. We farm girls tend to have a stubborn streak. I believe that if you keep hope alive that anything is possible, even if it takes longer than you'd like it to. Sometimes, sacrifices must be made. Farm life definitely teaches you that! Life isn't always fair, but you have to put your head down and keep pulling just the same. The best things take time. They don't happen overnight, no matter how much we may want them to. Sometimes, things only come into our lives for a short time. They share their beauty and they disappear all too soon. It's difficult to remain tender-hearted in the face of reality. It makes us vulnerable to being hurt. Even by the ones we love most.

Like I said, I'm not letting go of what I know is out there. Life is trying it's hardest to break me, but I won't give in. No matter what. Some things are worth the effort. You just have to find them.