Where's the Sun?


I almost missed posting this month, didn't I? I can't really blame it on being too busy. I've just been fighting off the winter blues. I start getting really desperate for Spring around this time each year. Those occasional warm days in between the piles of snow dumped from the sky just aren't enough anymore. I need more fresh air and sunshine. I'm ready to thaw out. Now if only the weather would cooperate.

Perrin turned three this month. It was fun for him, and a little sad for me. My "baby" isn't a baby anymore. He's still small and totally adorable, but he's growing so fast. So is Abby. She's going to be five in just a couple of days! How is that possible? She will be starting school this year. I've pretty much set my mind on home school, but I'm not sure Heath is convinced. I just believe the kids will get so much more out of home school and I like the fact that I will be in control of the curriculum. We could go on field trips as often as we liked. We could do more hands-on activities. The best part, I think, is that I can tailor programs to fit each of the kids' needs individually. I probably sound biased, but I think Abby is too intelligent to be stuck in public school. She deserves limitless possibilities. I believe home school can provide them.

I also became an aunt this month. (Yes, yes...Auntie Em) Heath's brother Chad; or more accurately, Chad's wife, Alicia; had a baby girl on the 11th. Her name is EmmaLee. No. Before you ask, she's not named after me. At least, not to my knowledge. I must applaud them for choosing a more unique spelling of such a popular name. I would love for us to be able to go down and see her in person, but I don't see that in the budget this year. Her picture shows she's adorable, of course.

On the down side, all of this has set a spark to the "let's-have-another-baby" fire. At least for me. I feel the smoke starting to curl up from the kindling and I keep trying to ignore it and hope it goes away. I would love to have another baby, but not the way the economy is right now. Heath is barely working and I don't know when things will pick up. Plus, dealing with a newborn during my first year of home school? And of course, I wouldn't be able to change the litter box while I was pregnant. (Wait, that should be on the "pros" list, shouldn't it...) Then there's the fact that Perrin still needs potty-trained. I can't understand why he WANTS to stay in diapers.

Anyway. That's where I'm at right now. I'm just trying to survive until Spring. I hope it comes soon.

Snow Day

I am not shy about my hatred of snow. While I'm willing to admit that freshly fallen snow under the light of a full moon has a sort of celestial beauty, it's far too cold. After about thirty seconds outside in the snow, I can no longer feel my hands and feet. And, yes, that is WITH gloves and boots on. I do my best to bundle up when I must journey forth into winter's fury. Years of riding the school bus with frozen appendages taught me that much.

So. Knowing how I feel about snow, it should impress you to know that I actually went outside with the kids to make snowmen a few days ago. Heath joined us and, of course, his snowman was over twice the size of mine. Brute strength may give him the advantage in the SIZE of his snowmen, but I have the advantage when it comes to the shape of them. MY snowperson was actually a snow PRINCESS (for Abby) with a tiara and floor-length gown. Although, I had to make one little snowman whose head was rolling down the hill in front of him in the tradition of "Calvin & Hobbes". I wonder what the neighbors thought of THAT one!

I built one sitting on top of the mailbox, too, but Heath assasinated him when he got the mail. Poor thing. Never even got the chance to melt.

Another New Year


Heath suggested we make resolutions this year. I declined to participate as I don't feel I need anymore expectations to live up to. Especially not in my own mind! Living with depression is enough of a challenge, but parenting with depression? Yeah. My plate is full enough already, thanks. No need for resolutions. I'm just trying to get past the point where I'm merely surviving each day by itself. Everyone in this house deserves better than that.

Peaceful sleep still eludes me. I'm trying to avoid taking sleeping meds, but what else can you do when it's 3am and your mind is going like a cracked out hamster in a wheel? The doctors tell you to get out of bed and sit quietly in a dark room until you're tired. I'm convinced I'd become completely nocturnal if I tried that approach. That may work for owls, but that's because their offspring are nocturnal, too. Mine are not. I still don't understand how Perrin is a morning person when Heath and I are not. If he wasn't so stinking adorable it would be really annoying.

Abby has decided she wants to learn "Kung Food". Is that a new kind of Asian cuisine or self-defense for entrees? She doesn't get words wrong very often anymore. When she does, one clarification is all it takes. I'm probably biased, but I think she's exceptional for her age. She has always amazed me with how fast she learns. I mean, how many children know the color "chartreuse" at the age of two? I don't mean two-almost-three, I mean just BARELY two. If only she hadn't had to suck my brain out to grow her own...

Perrin continues to fight me on the potty-training issue. He seems determined to stay in diapers for some reason. Abby was ready by this age, but I shouldn't expect Perrin to be, I suppose. I know he'll get there eventually, but it would be SO nice to not have to change anymore diapers! If he's not ready by summer, I'm going to have to really motivate him somehow.

So far, 2009 is going well. Money is still tight, but I've admitted to my spending problem and realized I need to cut back. Thank goodness it's almost tax time! We should get a really nice refund this year since we bought the house. I hope so. Heath and I have talked about taking a "honeymoon" to Vegas for a weekend since we never had a real one. Of course, I'd prefer England or maybe someplace tropical, but Vegas would be fun, too. Besides, Vegas is alot more affordable as long as I can keep Heath from spending too much in the casinos! My international adventures will just have to wait until we win the lottery. Maybe someday...

Privacy


I seem to have been a little lax in my privacy settings. I suppose it was naive of me to think all of the people I wanted to avoid from my past wanted to avoid me, too. Especially my ex-boyfriends. I mean, seriously. If I WANTED to have anything to do with you, I'd have let you know by now. Considering I've been married for nearly four years I think I've had ample time to make that contact. Silly me. Thinking silence spoke for itself.

So, now I've had to modify some things to keep unwanted "guests" out. How irritating. Having to invite people to read this. Having to change all of the privacy settings on every semi-public profile I own. Feeling all creeped out by the fact that people I try my hardest to forget can't seem to let go of the past. Ugh. Get lost already!

Ugliness aside, Christmas was great. Perrin loved his John Deere pedal tractor, of course. Abby is having fun with her new dollhouse. Those were their "big" gifts. They've been enjoying all the "little" ones, as well. I'm surprised they lasted as long as they did on Christmas Day since we had to get them up at six in the morning. We had to be at my mom's by eight so Will and Betsy could get on the road to her parents' house. I can't really complain, because I know it wasn't an easy for them, either. Of course, keeping us up drinking on Christmas Eve didn't exactly help. (Just kidding guys!)

Heath finally got to open the new television. He's been waiting for an entire month to do that and I know it hasn't been easy. Now he can enjoy football on 42 inches of lovely plasma and actually SEE the score. It's nice to see him enjoying something instead of just working. I'm sure it was nice for him to have a few days off. I have to admit, even I enjoyed having him around more. Maybe I don't need to be crabby all the time, after all...

Counting Down


I can't believe it's almost Christmas again. 2008 is almost over and the kids will be having birthdays soon. How is it possible that my "baby" is going to be three years old?! And Abby is going to be FIVE! She's going to be in school by the time I've blinked. Crazy, crazy, crazy. I've been dragging out Christmas stuff from the boxes Heath got down from the attic above the garage. I don't even know where to put all the little knick-knacky things to keep them safe from the kids and the cats. The tree was bad enough. I had the presence of mind to use shatterproof ornaments on the lower half of the tree and thank goodness I did. The cats won't leave them on the tree. It could be worse, I suppose. They could be CLIMBING the tree. I actually don't understand why they haven't tried this. Perhaps not having front claws actually HAS hindered them in some way.
Abby and Perrin have really been enjoying the advent calendars. That's the first thing they want to do when they wake up each morning. Finding stuff to fill Perrin's wasn't easy. They really don't make tiny toys for boys. Oh sure, Legos are tiny, but how much fun would THAT be? One Lego each day? Those were out. Matchbox cars were too long to fit. Candy wouldn't really have been fair to Abby (or his breakfast). I managed to find a few little animals and a tiny tractor, but I used Littlest Pet Shop toys to fill in the rest. Technically, they're girl toys, but he usually wants whatever Abby has anyway, so... I did what I had to do. He's having fun and that makes me happy.

I've gotten all of the Christmas cards ready to mail out. I just need to get the money for stamps to mail them. I really should have controlled my spending better. I also have to mail Heath's mom's Christmas gift and on ornament for an ornament exchange for Perrin's Birthday Club on Baby Zone. I haven't really started the baking yet, but my mom bought me a stand mixer for my birthday. As soon as I pick it up from her house I can get started. I'm lazy, though.

The kids and I have been watching all of the usual Christmas specials on television. Rudolph in still my favorite. The animated Grinch is a close second. As for "grown-up" Christmas movies, "A Christmas Story" is, by far, my favorite. How many of us grew up with the classic "You'll shoot your eye out!" line? Not Heath, apparently. He hadn't seen it until he met me. Poor guy.

I don't know how much time I'll find to write before Christmas, but I'll try. Probably late at night when I'm having trouble sleeping. All I want for Christmas is a good night's sleep.

The Holidays Begin


I can't believe how long it's been since I've written anything. I guess it's just that time of year. It seems like everything gets so much busier after Halloween. Heath's birthday was on November 7th and mine was on the 25th. We went out with Will and Betsy and some of their friends for Heath's birthday and Betsy took me out for a "Girls' Night" at Mickey's for mine. The last part of that night is pretty fuzzy to me, but we had fun. If only I could remember the name of the guy standing with us in the picture on my camera...

Having a late night out drinking was a nice change, especially with Betsy, but I didn't stick with my plan to take it easy and I paid for it the next day. It was the day before Thanksgiving (which I was hosting) and our house was still a disaster. Yet, all I could do for most of the day was lie around and try to rehydrate myself. Heath took pity on me and helped me clean, though, so we managed to get most of it taken care of. Thanksgiving went well and I somehow managed to get all of the food ready at the same time. Hosting my first holiday dinner wasn't as bad as I thought. Although, I was more than ready for a nap when it was over!

Heath and my dad got up somewhere around 3am on Black Friday to go to Wal-Mart. They each bought a new 42" flat panel television. I even persuaded Heath to pick up a few things from the rest of the ad while he was there. I went out to a couple of places later that afternoon when it wasn't so busy. I'm always glad I no longer work in retail when this time of year hits. At least my years doing so has taught me to have patience with those who DO still work in retail.

I started reading the "Twilight" books just before my birthday. Curiosity finally got the better of me. I read the first two in about 48 hours and started the third before my birthday and Thanksgiving hit. I bought the fourth on this week, but I also read another novel in between, so I've read over four books in the last week and a half. I've really missed reading. I've been trying to get the kids to bed earlier and then I stay up and read. Sometimes, for hours.

As for my medical issues, all my tests came back normal. That means there is no underlying cause for my mental issues. I was kind of hoping for a scapegoat. The increased dose of Lexapro seems to be taking the edge off of me, anyway. I'm a bit less unpleasant.

Now that Thanksgiving is over, we're getting ready for our first Christmas in the new house. I bought advent calendars for the kids to countdown to Christmas. They're having fun with them. It's nice for them to have a tangible way to see how many days are left. We also got the tree bought and put up. Still haven't gotten to decorating outside yet, but maybe tomorrow. I hate snow. If only it wasn't so cold. I'm really loving our fireplace right now. Not too much though, because it's not cheap to use it. So, Santa, you don't need to worry about being toasted when you come in. I'll just leave a nightlight on.

Restless & Waiting


I'll admit that doctors and other medical professionals are pretty busy people, but I hate waiting for test results. Test results that probably won't even tell them anything. It's probably nothing, but I'm still agitated.

The weather doesn't help things. I need to see the sun every so often. I've always thought that I would like to live in England, but isn't it dreary most of the time over there? Of course, it would be England and not Iowa, so I'd probably feel differently. Actually, that probably wouldn't last, but I'll never get to find out. I have to be realistic in my expectations. England is simply out of reach for me. At least I have BBCA to keep me warm at night.

The kids had an interesting conversation the other morning. Perrin woke me up to say, "Mommy, you's not wearing your booby trap". (By this he meant my bra, which I then realized he had in his hand. I was NOT going to explain to him why I don't sleep in it.)

Abby: "That's not a booby trap."

Perrin: "What is it?"

Abby: "It's to cover mommy's boobies."

Perrin: "No! It's a booby trap!"

I've come to the conclusion that I need more privacy. I don't let them see me naked and I try not to change my clothes in front of them. I think maybe I waited too long to start this. I just didn't realize how big they've gotten. It sneaks up on me. One day they're learning how to walk and the next they're trying on ALL of your clothes. I want them to have SOME modesty, but if they're anything like their father that's going to be a challenge. It's great to be comfortable with your body, but there still need to be limits. (I love you and your quirks, dear)

If anyone happens to see the sun, send it this way, will you? I'm tired of the squishy lawn.

Testing


I went to the doctor yesterday. She doubled my Lexapro, had blood drawn, and scheduled me for an ultrasound on my thyroid. I think that if there IS anything wrong with my thyroid, that it's just coincidence. I mean, surely, with all of the blood I had drawn and tested throughout both pregnancies SOMEONE would have caught that. (By the way, baby ultrasounds are much more fun.) Whatever the case, I won't get the results for two days. That's right. Leave a pessimist alone with a vague suggestion and the internet for two days. Thanks alot.

Okay. So I'm obviously imbalanced. I made a call to the doctors' office today and I'm going in tomorrow morning to have my head checked. I want to be optimistic, but it's not in my nature. They'll give me more tests to take and I'll fill them out. They'll score them and not actual give me a diagnosis. That's not to say they won't write one in their little file, but they won't tell me.

Then, they'll either up the dosage of the meds I'm already on, add something to them, or put me on something new altogether. When they started me on the Lexapro, they informed me of something I hadn't known. Apparently, changing anti-depressants once increases your chances of having to be on them again. Changing them MORE than once pretty much guarantees that you'll be on them for even longer. I'm on my fourth different anti-depressant. So, yeah, I'll be on them forever.

Anyway... I have realized that my rocker is off kilter and I'm doing something about it before I rock right off the porch. More drugs. Maybe they'll even recommend a therapist this time. I'm going to come back and read this later (Hi, Self!) and probably delete it. Although, perhaps I'll leave it for posterity.

Confessions of a Desperate Housewife


Maybe "desperate" isn't exactly the right word. Maybe "depressed" would be more appropriate. Just doesn't have the same ring to it, you know? I'm pretty sure I wrote previously that I wasn't going to talk about my mental issues anymore. Well, I've failed at everything else so I might as well fail at that, too.

I've never been a real bucket of joy to begin with. I've never been deeply analyzed by a professional so I'm not sure if it's nature or nurture that made me this way. Either way, I'm sure it's my fault. That's not to say I haven't been in therapy, because I have. Several times. They let me talk and talk, but they never really give me any insight. Let's face it. I'm not doing all that well on my own, here.

I'm lousy at keeping the house clean. It doesn't matter if we live in 700 square feet or 7000 square feet. I would still not be able to keep it tidy. I'm a hoarder. I'm one of those people that could easily be on one of those HGTV shows where they intervene because some poor husband calls in and says his wife is useless when it comes to keeping the house tidy. The ironic thing is, I LIKE organizing things. I LIKE it when things are in order. I'll be damned if I can keep it that way, though. I pile things all over the place. I keep things that I don't really need to keep just in case I might need them "someday".

I'm horrible at putting variety into the family feeding schedule. I'm not even good at including vegetables a lot of the time. I'm not very patient in the kitchen and touching raw meat practically makes me sick. In spite of the fact that they like it, I think my kids eat entirely too much peanut butter. At least I make them eat "real" food while I manage to exist on junk food and strawberry soda. Of course, strawberry soda IS junk food...

I've slacked off in my parenting duties. My kids are intelligent. Abby could easily be reading by now, but I've not been working with her like I should. We used to do all sorts of fun and educational things, but since Perrin was born (and this is in NO WAY his fault), I haven't done as much with her. I still read to them and let them color and occasionally, we go someplace fun, but I'm not challenging her mind like I used to. Or Perrin's for that matter. I'm probably ruining them for life already. It seems like I spend every waking moment with them, but it's not enough. Then, I feel like I NEED to get away from them for awhile, but when I do, I feel guilty that I'm not with them.

I spend money. I can't seem to STOP spending money.

I'm not even going to BEGIN to get into my failures as a wife.

I have a great husband, great kids, a great house, a great car, great pets, great family. WTH do I have to complain about. And yet, I do. I feel tired and crabby and lonely and depressed. And I hate myself for it.

I suppose all this should make it clear to me why I can't keep friends. On the rare occasion that I do connect with someone, it never lasts long. Eventually they stop calling or ignore my emails (Sarah, you still email me almost daily even in the "dark place"). Heath and I had friends who were a couple. They came to our wedding and then wouldn't return our calls. I still don't understand that. An explanation would have been nice. Even a "Hey. We just don't really like you guys after all." would have sufficed.

Maybe friends are overrated. I mean, I already have enough people telling me what a pathetic job I'm doing at everything. Between them and my own inner voice, I'm doing pretty well with it all. I know I'm going to come back and read this later and feel like an idiot. At least I'm familiar with that. Those of you who are NOT challenged by emotional unrest will likely read this and decide to avoid me from now on. I'm used to that, too. I can't say as I don't understand why.

Happy Halloween!

I couldn't have asked for a more perfect night for trick-or-treating. It was warm enough that the kids (and I) didn't freeze, but cool enough that they were comfortable in their costumes. Our neighborhood was an awesome place to trick-or-treat! They more than filled their pumpkin buckets in the few cul-de-sacs around our house. Everyone was really nice and of course, their costumes were a big hit. Especially Perrin's. I guess all that work was worth it.

Perrin got pretty worn out with all the walking and wanted to be carried toward the end, but it was getting late by then. He was so funny to watch when he was walking, though. He looked adorable. His costume looks so top-heavy, but it isn't. It's all fluff. He didn't want to take it off when we were done!

Both the kids have been stuffing their faces with candy all day and I know I should stop them. I'm just not looking forward to the battle that will surely ensue. I want it to be gone quickly, but not at the expense of their health. Besides, it's not as if I WANT to be cleaning up chocolate puke from my new carpet. I guess this is what's meant by picking your battles.

Lots of Pics


I haven't been writing much lately because, in the spirit of Halloween, I've been a real witch. I knew my writing would reflect that, and who wants to read anything like that? I'm still not quite myself (or maybe I AM myself and this is just the way I am), but I'm not so bad as I've been.


I should probably post a couple of pics from our annual pumpkin farm trip. It's something I look forward to all year, but this year, the kids were pains in the you-know-what about letting me take pictures. I usually take over a hundred pictures, but not this year. Usually, I have trouble deciding between the best ones. This year, it's more like deciding which are the least disappointing. Oh, well. What can you do?

I've also been trying to get ready for Halloween. Heath and I went to a costume party at Will & Betsy's last Friday. It was fun. Plus, it was a nice change to hang out with other adults. Betsy wore a naughty nurse costume, so I wore a naughty Red Riding Hood so we could share that our skirts didn't cover much. Although, I wish I had her tan from Jamaica. (Maybe we'll have a honeymoon, too someday.)

Will's costume didn't leave much to the imagination, either, which is wrong on so many levels I'm not even going to BEGIN to describe them. The picture speaks for itself.

Thankfully, I was the only one with a camera so there are no pictures of me. Disappointing, right? Not for me!
Beggar's Night is tomorrow, so I'll probably have pictures of the kid's in their costumes up soon. It's taken me three days to make Perrin's monster costume. It's awesome, but there's fur all over the house. Guess it's a good thing Heath bought me that Dyson.

R.I.P. Falcore


Today was a sad day. Our dear fish, Falcore, has ceased to swim any longer. I don't know for certain how old he was, but we had him for over two years. I know fish don't live forever, but it was still sad to see him go.

Everyone else always said he was ugly, but I never thought so. He wasn't the typical gaudy red or bright blue of more popular betas, but that's why I liked him. He was kind of a misfit. He liked me better than everyone else. If I put just the tip of my finger into his bowl, he'd swim up and "kiss" it. (Go ahead and tell me he was just looking for food. See if I care.) He'd start swimming faster in his bowl when he'd hear my voice, too. (Again, maybe it's because I always fed him, but so what?) I'm going to miss the little guy. Even if he was "just a fish".

I refused to flush him down the toilet after all he'd endured in his long (for a fish) life. It seemed wrong (even if it WAS a watery end) so I buried him by some of my flowers. I don't know if I'll get another fish soon or not. That seems kind of wrong, too. We'll see how things go. Rest in peace, Falcore.

Walking With Dinosaurs

We took the kids to see "Walking With Dinosaurs" at a local events center this past weekend. We bought the tickets months ago and, surprisingly, I didn't lose them. (A good thing, too, at $35 a ticket. Even for Perrin!) I prepped the kids by showing them clips of the show online. I didn't want them to be freaked out by the whole thing and start crying. I knew Abby would be fine, but with Perrin, you just never know. He's sensitive about things sometimes. I told him it would be loud and the dinosaurs would be really big, but that Daddy would beat them up if they tried to hurt us. (Maybe not the best thing to say, but parenting is a trial-and-error thing.)

Turns out, I needn't have worried. They weren't scared at all. Perrin plugged his ears once when the T-Rex was roaring, but that was it. He even asked me if we could watch MORE dinosaurs! Who could blame him? They were awesome! I know it's dumb, but even I almost forgot they were fake sometimes. Especially if you were looking at their faces. The people who built them did a phenomenal job and the details were incredible. I think the only thing missing was hot, stinky breath, and we were sitting close enough to have felt it if there had been! Maybe they'll add that for next time. Even though it was expensive, I would absolutely go again.

I took some video of the show on my camera, but as they frown upon you doing so, I'm not going to post it. (I only took it for the kids to watch later anyway.) They have a couple of videos on their website (http://www.dinosaurlive.com/) that show how they made them and what the show is like. YouTube is littered with illegal clips, too. I'm not going to add mine. I probably got enough bad juju just from taking them in the first place.

The next day, we went to the apple orchard again. I even remembered to put batteries in the camera this time. The kids had fun watching the honey bees land on their apples. I had to teach them to be still and not swat at the bees or try to touch them. After that, they did fine. At one time, Abby had three bees on her apple. Now that we have apples, I guess that means I have to bake. It's that time of year again. Apple pie, then pumpkin cookies, then all the Christmas goodies.

I've actually got plans to go out on Monday, too. Pandora (I've mentioned them in a previous post.) is having a get-together at the 4th Street Theatre downtown. It sounds like it'll be fun, plus, it's right next to Java Joe's and I can't remember the last time I was there. High school maybe? Somehow, you just can't take kids to a coffee house. I used to love them, though. (Coffee houses, I mean. I'll ALWAYS love my kids. Even when I don't like them much.) Maybe I'll get to stop in. A little "me" time might be nice.

Post #80


Why do you read this? Do you wait for me to divulge secrets that I can't actually speak, or are my everyday rantings really that intellectually stimulating? Neither, right? That's what I figured. I've written eighty of these things now and I've still no idea what purpose it serves. I'm not supporting a cause or changing the world. I mean, I recycle and take reusable bags to the grocery store, but the cloth diapers didn't last long. (Maybe I should take another look at that as a way to goad me into potty-training Perrin...) Why do you care what I think? Why do I care what I think?

I spend entirely too much time thinking. Especially when I'm still. I'm back to taking sleeping pills at night. The OTC kind though, not the Trazodone. It's the only way I can make my mind stop running in circles. That or alcohol, but who wants a hangover? I try to read until I feel like I can't keep my eyes open, but as soon as I close my eyes to sleep, my brain really acts up. I've always been a night person, but I can't be nocturnal. It's just not practical. I guess, Wal-Mart is open all night, but not much else is. Plus, I have the kids to think about. If I keep them up all night, pretty soon they'll be wanting to sleep upside down, too.

So what do I think about when I can't sleep? Now there's a question for the ages. What DON'T I think about? I wish there was a way to plug my brain into a printer that could just print out all the thoughts as the came and after an hour or so, I could unplug myself and sort through the printed thoughts. I could sort them into groups that made sense and get them all organized so I could stop them running about inside my head. Wouldn't that be nice. Especially if I could plug it into other people's brains, as well. For now, I'll just have to keep leaking random thoughts onto this blog as I feel the need.

A New Quest


I found a list at the library entitled, "The 100 Greatest Books of the Century". I've decided to work my way through it. I've already read twenty-three of them, so I've got a good start. I checked out three more today, including Faulkner's "The Sound and the Fury". I read "Watership Down" last week. It's not on the list, but it was a good read nonetheless. Who'd have thought a book about rabbits could be so interesting? I read "The Picture of Dorian Gray" the week before last. One more thing I owe to James Blunt. I can't believe it wasn't a book I read in high school. It should have been.

I figure I can read two books a week, on average. More, if I can turn off the television and stay away from the computer. That means I should be finished with the list in thirty-eight and a half weeks. I think. I'm not good with math. Much better at reading. I need to get into a book club or something. It might be fun to discuss some of these books with other people who've read them. Do people read older books anymore?

At least all of this reading seems to be doing something for the ennui that had set in. It gives my idle mind some exercise. Maybe soon, I'll be able to write about something interesting. At least I've made sure to have more than one post for the month, right? That puts me ahead of some other blog writers.

Writer's Block


I haven't written lately. I can't think of anything to write about with interest. I think it's more than just writer's block. I think it's a general life block. I'm stuck in a mind-numbingly boring pattern each day and I haven't been able to break free of it. The weather has been wonderful and we've barely been outside. I love autumn and should be enjoying this too brief time while it lasts, but I'm not. The kids are bored, too. They express this by causing trouble. There's been alot of that lately. I can't even bring myself to get too upset about it because I know it's my fault for not keeping them more entertained. We should be going to the park or out for walks at least. Reading more books and watching less television. I did sign them up for a children's art class that starts next week. Maybe that will help.

I've got to start getting out of bed earlier or something. I feel like I just waste most of the day. I feel bad about it and tell myself I'm going to do something different tomorrow, but I seem to forget all about it during the several naps I take at night. I would say "in my sleep", but I'm still not sleeping well at night. I even quit taking the Trazodone that was supposed to help me sleep because it just made it difficult for me to breathe which kept me awake even more. Perrin has a cold now and wakes up several times a night coughing and crying so that doesn't help either. Poor guy. I just want to cry right along with him some nights. It always seems to hit him just about the time I start to fall asleep. Oh, well. Who needs sleep?

We all had a good time at Will and Betsy's wedding. The kids did great and everything was beautiful. They had a reception like I wish we could have had. I didn't get any really good pictures of Will and Betsy since they had a professional photographer and I didn't want to get in the way. Perrin had everyone laughing because he'd say "cheese" right AFTER the picture was taken.

After he did it several times, it became a joke. Abby almost didn't make it down the aisle at all because she fell and hit the bridge of her nose on a trash can not ten minutes before the ceremony started. She got over the pain quickly enough, but the embarrassment was harder. She finally calmed down enough to let me put some "make-up" on her to hide the mark on her nose. Her eyes were still a bit red when she walked down the aisle, though. Who knew a four year old could have such self-esteem issues?
She had forgotten all about her nose by the reception and became the belle of the ball. I think she even got more attention than Betsy at times! Everyone wanted to dance with her and Perrin. They both had so much fun. Abby even talked Aunt Betsy into letting the DJ play "The Chicken Dance". I think everyone in the room got up and danced it for her.
We stopped by the zoo in Omaha on our way home from the wedding. It was hot and crowded, but the kids seemed to enjoy it anyway. They were pretty impressed with the sharks swimming over their heads in the aquarium. Somehow, we managed to get away with not riding the train. That was a miracle, by my standards. So. I've written something. Nothing exciting, but something. I plan to start potty-training Perrin soon, though, so things might get more interesting. I keep putting it off, but you can't avoid the inevitable forever. I'm not sure you can really consider yourself a parent if you've never had to potty-train a child. Like all of those people who drop their kids off at daycare for seventy hours a week. It's nice that the daycare staff do that for you, isn't it? I'm not going to get started on that right now. I'm going to go watch "Love In the Time of Cholera" and expect a happy ending.

Phone Home?


When we moved into our house, I bought some chalkboard paint and painted a spot on the wall in the basement for the kids to draw on. Little did I know they would come up with this:

Tell me you don't see E.T. in that mess. I was staring mindlessly at it when the face just popped out at me. Kind of creepy. Interesting, but creepy all the same. Just look at it for awhile. You'll see it.

I Am Ashamed

I have sold my soul to the devil of the worldwide web and set up a MySpace account. After my many grumblings about how vile it is and how it's nothings more than an online mall for child predators, what would make me sign over my info to them? James Blunt.

Yes, James (I'm certain you read my blog on a regular basis even though we've never met and you haven't the foggiest idea who I am). It is entirely your fault. I, like so many of the more obvious women who have posted their love for you on MySpace, have fallen victim to your emotionally vulnerable songs. However, as I still have a decent grasp on reality (managing a house full of kids and kittens will do that to you), I will not be professing my love for you. Sorry. I know you're disappointed, but that's life.

I feel like I have become a sellout. I feel ashamed that I have succumbed to my weakness for information. And it's all your fault, James.

House Pictures


Thanks to the bridal shower I threw for Betsy, the house was actually clean enough to take some pictures of the work we've done so far. There's still a LONG way to go, but we'd have to win the lottery to do it all the way I want. We did buy two decent slabs of granite off Craigslist for $65 each. One of them is going to be used for a vanity top in our bathroom. Heath wants to build a bar out of the other. I like drinking as much as the next person, but I'm not sure about the bar idea with kids around. Plus, my grandparents would make me feel about two inches tall if they found out. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I still care what they think of me.

Anyway. Here are a few of the pictures and my excuses to go with them.


The dining room. It desperately needs a buffet or corner hutches or something. At least we got rid of the trailer-park chandelier.

The living room. There is a blurry Abby in several of the pictures I took. I really have no one but myself to blame for her hamminess. She's been subjected to countless photo shoots since the day she was born. I absolutely love the rug in this room. Too bad the pic doesn't do it justice.

Perrin's room. Underneath his bed was a favorite hiding place for Charlie and Lola until their heads got too big to fit. You wouldn't think they could get under there, would you? Between the head of the bed and the wall is a small gap. Once in that gap, they had access to the entire underside of the bed. That's where I always had to retrieve them from at vet visit time.

Abby's room. Can't guess the theme here, can you? I still need to finish the painting of her headboard. Primer white is not the intended finish. I have so many ideas for this project, but I'm trying to make myself be realistic about the time I have to do the things I want. I've even thought of making each shelf a different "room" in the castle when I paint them.

Our bedroom. I wanted to make a new headboard for the bed, but after finding the fabric to make the drapes I decided to use the one we had. At least for the time being. The gold accents on the headboard bring out the gold in the drapes. The blue and brown matched perfectly, too. The only fabric in town that met all of my qualifications. Now if we only had espresso finished furniture...

And, the basement. Looks a lot better with the new carpet installed three days before the shower. I'm still not fond of the wall color, but I got so sick of painting. The round, white thing on the couch is a balloon from the shower that I drew an animal of some sort on. Or maybe it was one of the face balloons. I can't really tell.

Exciting wasn't it? Be grateful I can't charge admission on my blog. That's all the picture sharing for now. I've got to get some sleep.