Cat Fight

You know how women have "cat fights"? I've actually had far more experience with them in the last few days than I'd EVER hoped to have. Thank goodness they were the cyber kind or I'd have had some friends snatched bald or missing eyes. It was seriously like being in an episode of "The Twilight Zone". I mean, I suppose I had always known there were tensions under the mostly nurturing surface of our group of moms. Anytime you get a group of women together there are GOING to be issues. There just ARE. Maybe it's the hormones. Maybe it's the fact that we don't have penises we can brag about to each other. Whatever it is, it finally struck my mommy group, and it was NOT pretty!

Six years of knowing most of these women has brought us pretty close. Needless to say, we've been through a LOT together. Given that there are about sixty of us, it's pretty safe to say that there are a few of us who aren't going to see eye-to-eye on things. I was delusional for thinking personality clashes would never happen, but wow. I never would have expected the nuclear meltdown of epic proportions that happened last week. Let's just say several people showed their true colors and they were less than pretty. I've seen how vicious girls can be to each other and have been the victim of attacks on more than one occasion. I just honestly thought that my mommy friends were all above that level of cattiness. Actually, most of them are. The ones who aren't certainly made up the difference! The comfort and safety I'd always thought was there evaporated and revealed a dark side that made me feel like my world had turned upside down.

I spent the whole weekend in this surreal state wondering what on EARTH had gone wrong. Aliens? Body snatchers? Bacteria in the water? Who knows? I do know that things will never be the same. Hateful words and the feelings they've hurt combined with refusals to accept responsibility and make changes, and something died. Something beautiful. You know what they say about sticks and stones? That words will never hurt? If only that were true. I wonder if the person who made that up even believed it. Words CAN hurt. Words can kill.

On the bright side, it has also made some of us even closer. I mourn what will never be the same, but I cherish the newborn friendships that have come out of this nightmare. Humans are selfish by nature, but when we can overcome that, we find so much more worth having. Romans 12:18 says this: "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men." That doesn't mean we have to agree with everything they say, think, do, or believe. It just means that we can disagree peaceably. Imagine what the world would be like if we all lived by this verse. If only...

A Letter to My Son on His Birthday

Dear Perrin,

It's kind of difficult to type this as you're sleeping on my lap, but there's no way I'm going to make you move. You're passed out from the exhaustion of your fifth birthday, today. Oh. My. Goodness. FIVE! You turned FIVE years old, today! Where has the time gone? It really does seem like yesterday we brought you home from the hospital. You may be five, but you're still my "baby". No matter how big you get.

I feel unbelievably lucky to be your mom! You're such an amazing kid! You're sweet and caring. and you love to snuggle with me. You have the BEST sense of humor and you make me laugh even when I shouldn't! I love that you like to sing along with The Beatles and Abba. I love that you have a fantastic imagination. I love that you have a tender heart and pray that it stays that way, but that you learn how to guard it well. You're braver than you realize yet, but I know it's there. I love that you still need me, but am trying to prepare myself for the day when you won't need me quite as much. Honestly, I hope it's a long way off!

I know I'm not always the mom you want me to be, but I really am trying to be the mom you need me to be. I'm human, so I'm bound to screw up here and there, but try to be patient with me. After all, there have been plenty of times I've had to be patient with you, too! We don't always agree on everything and I doubt we ever will. I just hope that you always remember that I love you so very, very much. I'm so proud of who you are now and look forward to watching you grow, too.

Another year older. Wow. It's still so hard to believe you have to use a whole HAND to show people how old you are! Happy Birthday, Perrin! I love you!